Welp, this post is long overdo! I’ve gotten the question many times, and I’m sure you’re all wondering…“when is Laura going to have another baby?” Ahh yes, I’ve been wondering the same thing – LOL! So you’ve heard my pregnancy story, and the post-care aftermath, but what I haven’t shared with you all is some of the things I struggled with the last 2 years post baby.
Photo credit: Kate Kaplan Photography
Post-Baby Body Recovery
I didn’t mind pregnancy! Honestly, pregnancy and I got along pretty well. I was lucky, and I know that. Not so much after, however. Life with Griffin those first few weeks was pure bliss. He was the cutest baby I had ever seen (of course, I’m biased!) It wasn’t until after my 8 week checkup that things started to change.
Photo credit: Robin Hansen Photography
As I described in my post-care blog post, I had quite a big tear from delivery. Not unordinary, but not average. I wasn’t aware of the things that might happen with recovery in terms of my wound healing. Things looked good at the checkup, and he gave us the OK to try sex again. Great, I thought. Garin will be pumped! 😉
So there we were 9 weeks later. Without going into too much detail, the first time was horrible…I was in agonizing pain! We couldn’t even proceed because I was in tears. I didn’t think too much about it. I figured that was normal. Until we tried again, and again. Nothing changed. I finally booked an appointment with my doctor to see what was going on.
Within minutes of performing a few tests, he informed me that I had Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, specifically Vaginismus. Basically, my tearing (scar tissue) and vaginal delivery caused the interior vaginal muscles to tighten up. And each time after the first experience, I was already expecting it to hurt again, so I would tense up, which only made things worse.
I was referred to a local physical therapist at Creative Therapeutics, who specialized in women’s health, and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. You’re probably wondering how a physical therapist would work in this situation. Well, exactly how it would work with any other body part. I was so nervous about it! It required manual soft tissue mobilization to relieve tightness, as well as strengthening and re-training the muscles with exercises and relaxation techniques. It took a while to see results, but with a lot of work and effort on my part, I was able to “graduate” about 6-7 months later (yes, it took a while.) Alleluia!
Sex thereafter still wasn’t perfect but it was better. I don’t think I fully stopped having pain until after Griffin’s first birthday. It was a long road, (with more struggles – read below) and it naturally put some strain on our marriage. I felt bad because after 9 months, I wasn’t able to be intimate with my husband, and he felt bad because he knew I was struggling, but also missed that part of our relationship. A lot of guilty tears were shed on my part, thats for sure! But overall, I think it strengthened our relationship, especially knowing the amazing and beautiful little person we received out of it all. That cutie definitely kept me going.
Photo credit: Kate Kaplan Photography
Post-Baby Hormone Recovery
If all that wasn’t enough to take in, I was also dealing with new personality traits that I had never seen from myself before. About 2-3 months after Griffin was born, I started noticing extreme levels of anxiety and “on edge” anger. I would freak out at the drop of a hat. Something as small as crumbs on the floor would have me in a tirade. It was so weird! I was always a bit of perfectionist, but this was a whole new ballgame. And the thing is, I knew something was off, Because right after I would freak out about something, I would think, “OMG, why did you just do that.”
I also wasn’t sleeping. And not because we had a newborn. He slept great. It was me. I couldn’t fall asleep at night, even though I was exhausted. And when I woke up in the night to go feed him, I couldn’t fall back asleep. It was miserable! So, back to the doctor I went. This time though, I didn’t actually get to the doctor until the following July…1 year later. I just kept chalking it up to new-mom stress.
Boy, (no pun intended) was I wrong! He detected my hormones were off so he referred me to another doctor in the office who specializes in hormone therapy. Upon meeting with her I felt MUCH better. She assured me that I wasn’t going crazy, and that she was 99% sure it had to do with my hormone levels. She sent me home with a spit test to complete the following day. Okay, side note, you don’t realize how hard it us to fill 4 vieles of saliva until you actually have to do it, LOL!
The results were in. All my levels were whackadoodle. Specifically my testosterone and progesterone. My progesterone was really low. This explained the anxiety, as well as the sleep patterns. Basically, your hormones get all crazy while your pregnant, and typically go back to normal once the baby is born, however, mine did not. I was immediately put on two supplements, as well as a progesterone pill.
I took these for a year. The anxiety slowly decreased, but the sleep still was not better. Come to find out, sometimes your body doesn’t break down some pills like it should, making them not work. Welp, here I was again….the small percentage that doesn’t! I was spent. She determined this in May 2018…almost 2 years after Griffin was born. Since then, I have been on a topical progesterone cream, and it has done wonders. I’m sleeping like I used to again pre-baby and am loving it! What a difference it has been.
The Prognosis For Future Pregnancies
We have always wanted more then one child, so the question that first came to mind when I was dealing with all this was whether it was going to happen again the 2nd time. I vividly remember asking my gynecologist, the hormone specialist, and the physical therapist if it was possible that these things (and more) would happen again the next time around. And each one of them said, “We can’t say for sure. It will either get better, stay the same, or go away.” WTF.
Truth be told, I was frustrated, and scared. And that is why we’ve taking our time loving on Griffin. The idea of another one was long gone for a while, but most recently, Garin and I are coming around to the idea again. I’m excited, which tells me I’m ready. So we’ll see what’s in store for us in 2019!! I’m leaving it in God’s hands…he knows what we can handle, but I hope we’re blessed again.
If you or someone you know is dealing with any of this…get the help you need! It took me a while to realize this. It’s OK to ask for help. And don’t just assume it’s mom stress like I did. Trust your instincts!!
xoxo,
Laura
Photo credit: Kate Kaplan Photography
For a quick flash back, check out Griffin’s newborn photos here.