pregnancy

This post is not intended to speak for anyone except for myself. Every woman has her own story and her own feelings, so please keep in mind that I’m only talking about MY truth here. I pray my words give other women who are struggling with getting pregnant, the braveness and strength they need to keep trying. If you’re one of those women, then this post is for you. I want you to know that you’re not alone and you don’t have to be ashamed of your body or your story. You are strong. 

Today, I’m sharing my journey to getting pregnant, which may come as a surprise to a lot of you, but for me – it’s been what seems like a very LONG road to get here, which is 20 weeks pregnant! I honestly thought the minute Andrew and I decided we were ready to have a baby, it would just happen. For some lucky couples it does happen like that, but for most, it doesn’t.

When we first thought about having a baby (over a year ago), I hadn’t even considered the possibility of infertility or miscarriages, but, throughout the one year of attempting to have a baby, I ended up having two miscarriages. Both were equally as sad and disheartening for me (and Andrew), but in such different ways. The first one was easier to digest in the sense it was very early on (around 5 weeks) and after spending hours on the internet, I realized it was pretty common – 1 in 4 women have miscarriages. However, the actual physical process itself was terrifying. I will never forget that night, and I will also never forget how it completely changed the love I had for Andrew, but in a really good way.

The Second Time

My second miscarriage was the one that really broke my spirit. I knew I was pregnant for almost a month, but we were still keeping it a secret because once you experience something like we did the first time, it’s hard to NOT think it’s going to happen again. You’re constantly on edge, just waiting. I actually didn’t even realize it was happening right away because it was so different than the first one. It took a few trips to the doctor to confirm that what I was experiencing was not normal. All Andrew and I could think was “this isn’t fair.” What was wrong with me?? Could someone please give me a straight answer? The thing is, nothing was wrong with me. Absolutely nothing – miscarriages just happen, and any doctor will tell you that there is nothing you can do to prevent them. Andrew kept reminding me it wasn’t meant to be, and I have to believe he was right. 

Finding Women I Could Relate To

I wish I had the courage to talk about it more than I did at the time, but I was so sad and embarrassed, and I didn’t know who to turn to. Andrew was of course there for me, but I needed a girl. I needed a girl who had been through what I had been through! I had told my closest friends, but none of them had experienced anything like that while trying to get pregnant. Then, I gathered up all the courage I had inside of me to reach out to a few women who I knew were having trouble getting pregnant (but not publicly). Who was I to think these women would actually share their experience with me?? But let me say, it was truly one of the best decisions I had ever made. REMINDER- you are never alone in any experience you go through in life.  I had somehow formed this group of amazingly strong women around me, who were all willing to open up and share their story – whether it was miscarriage or infertility, everyone had their own struggles. It was like group therapy and there was absolutely no judgement in anything we said because we all understood each other. It got ALL of us through the never ending Facebook feed of pregnancy announcements. 

The Sweetest Ending

After our second failed attempt at getting pregnant, we took a short break, and then kept trying, but nothing happened for a few months. I started using ovulation tests (which I think are helpful by the way), I downloaded an app to track my period, but nothing seemed to work. The amount of frustration we were feeling was insane, but Andrew would continue to say his prayers every night (I’m not so much the prayer type). Finally, 4th of July rolled around and I was feeling pretty sick. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative, but I wasn’t fully convinced that I wasn’t pregnant yet. I remembered that feeling all too well to disregard it right away! Sure enough, I waited one more day and it was faintly positive. After everything we’d been through, we were still SO excited to see that line!! When we made it past that 10 week mark, we told our close friends and family (parents already knew), and when we made it to 12, we told the majority of our friends. And now,  I’m sharing with all of you!! I am truly grateful for every day of this pregnancy, but March 9th, 2019 can’t come soon enough.

How to Become More Educated

Here’s the thing. We’ve hid this kind of talk for far too long. There are way too many couples out there going through much worse than what Andrew and I went through, and they deserve our kindness and support. If you want to help break the stigma and join in on the conversation, follow @fertilegirl on Instagram or visit their website. One of my friends recommended this site, and it’s now one of my favorite resources.

Thanks to all of you for listening and being such an amazing support system! Check back for more baby updates soon.

xoxo,

Lauren

If you’re looking for maternity clothes, be sure to check out Pink Blush! They have the BEST variety of clothing, from baby shower dresses to even delivery robes!